Well at the time it was the only explanation.A womans girdle hanging on the Sheffield washing line along side Mr Phelp's sunset red socks and buttercup yellow underpants well he said they were his anyway as he tried desperately to step into the 20th century even though his corduroys trousers had other ideas of their own and didn't wish to follow him as they looked and felt more at home in the 19th cent AD hanging off a Burtons dummy in an end of century clearance sale.

At first the bravest(stupide st)boy advanced upon it with extreme caution,Swiss army knife with all blades at the ready then failed with only yards to go.
What's wrong Smithers!

It's got hooks, four of 'em, You look! as speculation hit the fan.

Some kinda boiler lagging I'd say

Nah.Not from this angle,more like a sailors hammock,well a small sailor anyway

Smithers,half a pot of jam if you pull one of dem metal tings!

Stuff you Frothers,I'll do it for half a pot of jam and your Dixie stew for a week!

Make that stew two weeks and you've got a deal!

Wait!!advised an expert on such matters namely me and corset ads in particular "Prod it with a cricket stump,if it prods back it could be a Martian in disguise!"

"Get real Downesie,where did you get that highly confidential information from?

Dan Dare

Of course,how stupid of me-Smithers! whack it with the stump! just as Mrs Phelps appeared from nowhere.

BOY!!!! Yes, YOU BOY!!! What on earth are you doing pounding the starch out of my girdle with a cricket stump.Report to me after in our quarters!!!"
Eh, girdle, starch,, what's one of dem and one of dat?

At which Mrs Phelps exchanged her washing basket for Smither's ear and yanked him off into the house to confront Mr Phelps who probably didn't know what a girdle was either as half of the house clustered around Phelp's living room door.

I caught this boy thrashing the life out of my girdle. I want him thrashed too !

Girdle? thrashed? thrashed? girdle? what's a girdle? inquired our maths teacher who knew everything about algebra and sweet naff all about womens girdles and why his wife always had an hour glass figure even after a second helping of Dixie Dean's bread pudding.

I'll deal with the boy after prayers - after I've looked up 'girdle' in the house library

Then later that evening in his study.

Now Smithers, what's all this about?

I read it in The Eagle sir under how to defend yourself against dem alien type girdles-Sir

First girdles,then The Eagle now, aliens. Enough already,bend over,face the door and I'll look it up in that ladies underwear catalogue that I confiscated from Downes later as he delivered the first of six.

Dizzy D

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