The backbone of the school. Patched you up when you needed it and even if you didn't. Kept the insides of boys on the move despite the outsides being totally motionless. Poisoned you with a wide variety of interesting cures and potions where one drop would have floored a rhino and two drops stripped the lead of the school roof. A highly talented conversationali st armed with a string of scientifically unapproved medically refined cliches.

Where's it Broken ? - " Don't jump off roofes then " - "Count to ten and if it still hurts swallow this " - "If the swelling doesn't go down blow your nose standing on one leg " - "If the bleeding doesn't stop after a week don't come back " - " What rash ?" - "You're not turning grey, it's the standard colour for a KH boy " - " Is that a slab of bread pudding wedged down your throat ? Well it wont kill you but it will if you swallow it " - " You cough up tar after a fag you say ? The headmaster has a cure, I'll make an appointment " - " Hmm, you got hit by a runaway boy you say. Hmm, a boy seen running. Unusual to say the least but most interesting just the same.Did you notice any excessive leg movement or, come to that, any movement at all ?"

So that was our beloved Matron wrinkley stocking, flat feet, a dangerous squint when pouring potions down your throat and a virtual frothing at the mouth when injecting you with needles whether you needed injecting or not.

A very kindly lady who always had one's welfare at heart like the time that she informed Woollan after my medical check up on being returned to the school after the Leefield Poles midnight incedent that - " Ah, headmaster, I have Downes here who has been thoroughly checked over (" Here, swallow this " ) and I officially announce him fit enough to be caned at your leisure - six I think should suffice. When shall I send him over,I would willingly take care of it myself (the little bxxxxxd ) but my aim isn't what it used to be "

Well, every school had one but one like ours ? I doubt it, a very special breed indeed but hey, I left KH all in one piece and all thanks to her and her unique interpretation of the British Medical Journal and not many boys can say that !

Nor would want to...

Dizzy D

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