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Unidentified Granddad

Apart from not knowing I had one of these I wasn't quite sure what one was anyway and was not so much surprised but intriqued when one day on summer hols my mother announced that "Today, we're going to see your granddad who used to live in Wapping and, with a bit of luck, still does"


"What's one of dem ? I cautiously inquired visualizing a long bus journey and a day in the clutches of demanding adults - "Pull your sock up!" -( we could only ever afford one at a time ) "Straighten your tie !" - "Stop picking your nose and wiping it on your sister !" - a sister I didn't have but the instruction wouldn't have been complete without one but more because my mother always wanted a girl but ended up with quite the opposite which helped to explain her obsession with dressing me up in frilly sailors suits from six to sixteen.

So we arrived at Silvertown way, mum, uncle Reg from the Old Kent Road and me and the only the possible reason I could see for having a granddad in the first place.

"Knock, knock, Granddad, are you there !"
As my mum and uncle Reg hammered on the front door.

"PO !! came the muffled response from within "I've drunk the rent,come back in a month when I'm sober !"

This was then typical of the exchange that bantered back and forth for the next hour or so until my mum convinced granddad that we " Aren't the bailifs, in fact beer bearing relations from North London with an extra bonus by way of a grandson - so open the door you old bxxxxxrd ! And as the door opened a waft of mouldy cloth,Vick rub, seaweed, stale tobacco and a burst sewer pipe announced the source of these smells - an aged, bent, barely alive presentation of what I assumed to be a granddad and hoping that no more than one per boy was the standard quota.

But alas, there were others and not one of them had heard of KH and not one of them even knew where it was or, worse still, knew that I was it's star pupil !

Dizzy D

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